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Zummy Preserves Recipes, Betty Griffiths Collected Recipes 2009

Zuni Breadstuff, New York, Museum Of The American Indian, Heye Foundation, by Frank Hamilton Cushing 1920

 

The Jokes On this Page is a Filler

Collected by Janet Taylor ~ Pdf. One Liner Cooking Jokes X & Z

 

The last time Chuck Norris cooked dinner... Jesus and the disciples had reservations.

 

I'm not good at cooking, so lets go out sometime!

 

Pastry Chefs

There once was a girl who kept being followed by bread and pastry chefs wearing cooks hats.

She asked her girlfriend if she could tell her why the breadmakers were following her.

Her girlfriend told her you really need to do something about that yeast infection.

 

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

 

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.

 

Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u

 

Turning vegan is a big missed steak.

 

Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.

 

I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

 

The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it.

 

My annual performance review says I lack "passion & intensity", guess management hasn't seen me alone with a Big Mac.

 

Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana

 

Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.

 

Do you sell hot dogs? Because you know how to make a wiener stand.

 

I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?

 

Interviewer: "Why do you want this job?" Me: "I've just always been very passionate about not starving to death."

 

Just asked my wife what she's "burning up for dinner" and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.

 

My idea of flirting is giving a girl 1 of my 10 tacos.

 

I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap.

 

Excuse me? Do you work at Little Ceasars? Cuz Ur Hot And I'm Ready.

 

Cannibals like to meat people.

 

My wife says she is no longer buying junk food for the family because, "Everyone just eats it."

 

People are lot less judgy when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole.

 

I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.

 

If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!

 

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!

 

Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.

 

I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar.

 

If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough.

 

Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.

 

I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.

 

Remember: You can eat your way out of almost any problem.

 

When a woman breast feeds in public it's called natural, but when I do it, the woman calls the cops.

 

I went to a peanut factory last week. It was nuts!

 

You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly.

 

"Could you take a couple steps back. I have a nut allergy."

 

You must work at subway...cause you`re givin` me a foot long.

 

You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.

 

I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.

 

Nutella: A reason to buy bread.

 

I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE"?

 

Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious

 

Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

 

It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.

 

I want you more then a Hagen-Daas on a hot summer day.

 

I'm not a doctor but I know adding cheese to anything makes it an antidepressant.

 

My diet always starts on a Monday morning and ends at the donuts somebody brings into the office later that morning.

 

I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl.

 

Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car.

 

It probably seems like I'm listening to your story, but I'm really thinking, "close your menu or the waiter will never come over."

 

Do people who go to the gym to "feel the burn" know nothing of Mexican food?

 

Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.

 

Girl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off.

 

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib!

 

A cauliflower is a plant explosion in extremely slow motion.

 

What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!

 

I'm Only Here For The Free Food

 

 

 

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